Conversations I'd Like to Hear More Often

“…Dude, why’s your cock on my desk?”
“I think a better question would be ‘Why is it green?’”

“Skimming through Vogue whilst sipping a Cosmopolitan and listening to Yanni – how much more manlier can you get.”

“Happy Birthday! I was about to get you one of those, you know, ‘dancers’ in a cake, but I ate the cake… and the ‘dancer’ if you get my drift, eh, eh?”

“Mmm… last night I ate through ten pounds of meat. Afterwards, I ate out ten different women. All of different ethnicities, too.”
“Ah yes, the All American Buffet. Where the melting pot ends up in your mouth.”
“… that’s disgusting.”

“I will castrate you with a butter knife. No lie. A rusty one, even.”

“I’m telling you, that’s what Brown Eye Girl is about!”
“Oh, shut up!”
“No, no, here me out! It’s about this guy – who’s met this nymphomaniac who only likes to do it in the derriere–“
“Nah man, it’s about a dude – or chick - that’s totally sprung for some chick with brown eyes.”
“Yeah, well, I won’t take that for granted; everybody has a different interpretation of art and literature, I mean one guy can look at Alice in Wonderland and say that it is a tale of a girl struggling from childhood to adulthood, whereas some other dude can say that it’s Charles Dodgson’s wild acid dream done in a novel-”
“Carroll.”
“What?”
“It was Lewis Carroll who wrote the book. Not ‘Dodgson.’”
“…Lewis Carroll is a pseudonym; Dodgson started using it after ‘Solitude.’”
“Digression!”
“Alright, alright, going back to this… questionable content. This is my interpretation of ‘Brown Eye Girl’. ‘Brown Eye Girl’ is about this certain female… who likes… the anal sex. And, like my very well esteemed friend over here said, yes he is sprung for this chick. So much that he’s fuckin’ her all over the place.”
“Oh, God…”
“So, he’s pretty much doin’ her in the butt; ‘along the water fall,’ ‘in the green grass,’ ‘in the misty morning fog,’ ‘behind the stadium.’ It is behind these places that they are ‘laughing,’ with ‘their hearts a thumpin’, not to mention other things thumping… And who can forget the ‘slipping and sliding,’ thanks to all that lube needed to –“
“Alright, that’s enough.”
“I’m just giving my interpretation of Brown Eye Girl.”
“Great. Every time I hear that song, I’m going to thinking about anal sex.”

I've Always Been Bad With Names

For my AP History class, we just took a test over the Western Frontier, running from President Harrison to Cleveland and all that good stuff. For my essay, I wrote about the Decline of the Plains Indians. More than once did I find myself writing in "Shitting Bull" instead of "Sitting Bull" and "Helen Cunt Jackson" instead of "Helen Hunt Jackson."

... I had a strong urge to leave the typos as is.

Other Plans for the Future:
Film Festivals

Nothing big, just personal ones. You know, Movie Marathons. There are many movies that come with its own sequels or spin-offs that should be watched in its entirety. There are some shows that should earn its same respect. Here are several that I would like to plan sometime in the future, when I have enough time. And the equipment. And work space. And the freedom. And etc.

1) Star Wars Marathon: My idea would be to watch every single canon movie/episode in chronological order. From The Phantom Menace, onto Attack of the Clones, then the Clone Wars animated television series. Afterwards, we'd go back to the live version, with the horrendous portrayal of the baddest man in the Galaxy thanks to Hayden Christensen in Revenge of the Sith. And then, onto the originals: A New Hope,The Empire Strikes Back, and finally, Return of the Jedi. I imagine it would have to span from Noon until well into midnight, with some Star Wars video games while we set up. It'd be like a mini-convention. I just hope George Lucas doesn't subpoena me for it.

2)Venturing into the View Askewniverse: I am a Kevin Smith fag. I'm pretty sure a lot of you know about that. And what I'd like to pull off is showing every single movie taken place in the View Askewniverse, starting with cult hit Clerks, going onto the funny Mallrats, the controversial Dogma afterwards, the impressive Chasing Amy, the juvenile Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and finally, the epic Clerks II. Heh, know what? I'm pretty sure some Smith fans across the country would be up for something like this. Heck, I bet the big Kahuna himself would probably join in himself. I've got an account on the View Askew forum boards where a lot of his fans frequent, and I just hope Kevin Smith doesn't mind me holding a Marathonin his honor. He seems like the type of guy to let this kind of stuff happen.

3)Ride on the Bebop: w00t! I must say, I never thought I could come up with some great titles for such marathons! Well, this one would have to be off of the ever-so-awesome and the epic anime, Cowboy Bebop. Now, I know that there are some people out there who absolutely shun themselves from anime due to the fact that it's... well, anime. However, I know of people who aren't even casual anime watchers, but rather movie buffs who've totally fallen for the charm of the series. (Here's looking at you, Danny P. and Josh C.) So I ask of you, random reader who has not seen an anime other than Pokemon and even despised that, look into Cowboy Bebop. The show combines great storytelling, beautifully done action, and a bloody awesome soundtrack. That not enough for you? Think 1940s noir with Star Trek, with Bruce Lee as the Captain and Clint Eastwood as the High Commander with the Great Gatesby. No lie. It is that awesome.

Okay, maybe you're not understanding. You have to look past the fact that it's an anime, and have to really, truly enjoy this anime as... more as a work of aesthetic beauty. Something that Siskel and Ebert - errr, sorry - Ebert and Roeper would praise. It has a strong American influence, most especially around the jazz era, and the music is the driving force of the anime. I mean, just listen - don't watch, listen, to the theme song, "Tank!" by the Seatbelts. It's explosive, it's dynamic, it's hard to keep up, so much energy burning in it! And that's just the music! The Spaceship fighting reminds me so much of Star Wars, the hand-to-hand fighting reminscent of Bruce Lee, and the gunplay... My God, give me some time to breathe...

Errr, yes back to the event. Well, let's see... Most episodes span for 23 minutes, there are about 26 episodes, give or take 20 minutes if you cut off the end and beginning theme, so that's 520 minutes. Divide that by 60, you got yourself around 9 hours of Cowboy Bebop fun. Add to that the movie Cowboy Bebop: Knockin on Heaven's Door, and you got around 12 hours of fun. From what I see, the event will probably have to go from early morning into late night, including breaks with music by the Seatbelts and Yoko Kanno.

This I can look forward to.

4)The 24 Marathon: Is it insane? Yes. Will I do it? For the sake of saying I have, yes. How many seasons are there? Six? Six fucking seasons of 24?

... This one is going to take a lot of planning. Maybe a two day marathon based off of one season per week. Yeah, that'll work.

5)The Bruce Lee Brawl: Not enough people are watching his movies. It's all about Jet Li, Jackie Chan, Donny Yen, or Chow Yun Fat. Nowadays. Don't get me wrong, the guys are all great. But come on, Bruce Lee? The man behind Jeet Kune Do! The man who could strike from three feet away in five hundredths of a second! Who could bike 10 miles in 45 minutes! The man who could do one hand push-ups with only two fingers! The movies? The Big Boss (Fist of Fury in America), Fist of Fury (The Chinese Connection), Way of the Dragon (Return of the Dragon), Enter the Dragon, and Game of Death.

6)Week of the Living Dead: Zombie movies. From George Romero, to Shaun of the Dead, to Versus. Evil Dead series, Zombie Flesh Eaters, 28 Days Later... But not Resident Evil. Heh, most likely around breaks, we'll probably whip out the good ol' zombie games like House of the Dead and Dead Rising. This will most likely be dated around Halloween, and last well past the Day of the Dead.

7) Week of Kung POW!: Kung Fu movies. Drunken Master (1&2), One Armed Boxer,a couple of Shaw Brother movies like Five Deadly Venoms and One Armed Boxer, a whole bunch of Gordon Liu movies, some John Woo movies with Chow Yun Fat. Yeah, this one is goin' to have to last a week. Ooh, better off, I should have this marathon go on during the Lunar New Year!

8) Mystery Science Theatre 3000: A whole night filled with the crappiest of B-rated movies. Why go through the torture? Cause Crow T. Bot and Tom Server makes everything all the more better. The shows got cult status, and it'll teach you a thing or two about what not to do when making a movie. Not to mention, hilarity.

9) The Cult: A whole week filled with good ole' cult movies, and cult classics. The plan is to randomly choose a bunch of cult movies, and a bunch of cult television series, and show them over a span of the week. Speakin' of B movies and Cult followings...

10)The Classics: I'm talkin' about the movies that are well known throughout the decades. Often parodied, often talked about, often known about amongst movie buffs. Citizen Kane, Seven Samurai, Casablanca, Singin' in the Rain, Psycho, Roshomon, 8 1/2, Sholay, A Better Tomorrow, The Unknown Soldier, No Man's Land - and the list goes on and on. Most likely, this marathon is going to go on for awhile... But it's meant for people who're looking for aesthetic beauty within movies.

Well, that's about all I want to think of right now. Most likely, I'm probably going to do a couple of these marathons, not all. I just don't have the time. However, this is a list for ideas. If anybody want to use any of them, go on ahead, I highly encourage it. I hope it kind of stirs somethin' in you to try to hold a movie marathon as well. Just make sure that you invite the right people. And have enough munchies and liquids. And toilets. And Febreeze, just in case somebody decides to fart or if the room starts smelling bad.

The Connotations of Annotations

Alright, the title has nothing to do with the post, but after listening to Gene Kelly and Donald O' Connor sing "Moses Supposes" in Singin' in the Rain, I've been on fire!

So, something interested happened in the unusually mundane life of Senor Pooty Chang's life. My English teacher, Mr. Charles, makes us annotate - or write notes in the margin - our copy of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. I have to digress here for a second, both for the sake of getting something off my chest and thickening up this post.

I don't care what others say, I find Huck Finn an oddly refreshing change from what I'm usually forced to read. After all, Mark Twain is much easier to read than bloody Charles Dickens (all Charles wanted to do was fatten up his wallet since they paid by the word during the 1800s - thence, his ways of calling a girl a slut in so many words). I've enjoyed Huck Finn immensely, and I know others say that's it's a boring book to read, which in that case I point your way towards Catcher in the Rye (I admit, I didn't really like Catcher in the Rye. Nothing against J.D. Salinger, I just hate teenage angst. It was the main reason why I couldn't stand Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince). However, Huck actually seems like a believable character, with the same notions and naivete of a 14 year old. Twain has a great sense of humour as a writer, and his characters are just as charismatic as one would imagine Twain himself to be. Unfortunately, people of this generation can't seem to enjoy Twain's wit - at least not without some intellect and wit themselves... Phuckin' philistines...

Back to the story. Well, my friend Elena writes "I love the cock" in one of the pages of my copy of Huck Finn. I didn't bother erasing it; I wrote "But I do love the cock, I do!" instead. Well, come English class, Mr. Charles was going around checking books for annotations while everybody was off working. I was kind of hoping that he would just skim through mine, not really read any of my notes, and just slap me with a full grade. Which would've been great; I was writing random notes that weren't even pertaining to the book, anyways. I didn't read the night before, so I did all of my anotations and highlighting the period before.

Unfortunately, Mr. Charles took the time to read my notes. While I was conversing with one of my peers, I was looking out of the corner of my eye for his reponse. During the middle of my conversation, Mr. Charles calls for my attention.

"Henry..."

He flashes to me the page with "I Love the Cock" on it.

"Ok, I didn't write that in, that's not even my writing."

He turns to the next page where, distinctly in my writing, it says "But I do love the cock! I do!" on it.

"... Ok, that I did write."

Sure, I got 1.5 points out of 4, but it was damn well worth the moment. Thing is, that night - I finished the book.

Tom Sawyer is a silly cooze.

Things I to Do Before I Become
Twenty Five

I never believed in New Years resolution. Sure, it lasts for a couple weeks, but come Valentines Day, we stuff that lists underneath the cluttered mess of last year. A bunch of empty promises - no, a bunch of empty expectations - that you hope to accomplish. So, I begin this year with not a "New Year's Resolution" but rather a set of accomplished goals. Will I complete all of these? I hope so. I know there will be things over the years that'll change my situation. Change in tastes, change in availibilty, and etc. But hell, I know I'm going to find these goals too cool to pass up. And I'm going to need a lot of people, and a lot of friends to pull it off. You'll see why. Enough tête-à-tête - here's the list.


1) Become a movie buff: I'm working on it right now. Not a lot of movies I've seen so far, but I'm working on it. Black and white, noir, science fiction, Gong Fu, Clint Eastwood, Fritz Lang, Stanley Kubrick, Vincent Price, Ed Wood, Bruce Campbell, weird west, class B movies, class C movies, class Z movies, Fellini, cult movies, animes, and the list goes on! Now if only I had more time to watch 'em...

2) Read more books: I've been deprived of quality works; I need to read more. I've got so many books just sitting around in my room, waiting for me to pick them up. But dammit, I haven't had as much time as I'd like to read them! This is a bad habit. So I basicly refuse to buy any books until I finish these. I want to be a bookworm. It'll add to my geekyness. And you guys know I love being a Geek.

3) Read more comic books: I don't care what people say; comic books are just as entertaining as books. Just with more eye-candy. They're like movie stills, or like movie storyboards. It's become a hobby of mine recently, and I hope to pick it up later on. These books are of big cultural impact, I mean after all just look at Batman, Superman, Spiderman, and the X-men. Now, I want to delve deeper into that. Read comic books that people don't know about, stuff that people are missing out but only an esoteric handful can actually fully enjoy. Such as Alan Moore comic books; the man behind Hellblazer, Watchman, and the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. It was his V for Vendetta that really got me into comic books; actually, the movie trailer did. But I only had to see it once to be totally obsessed with it. I staked out for the comic book, and read it, from front to back. But a comic book that I've really gotten into is 100 Bullets, a totally noir comic book sent in today's gangster life. A person is offered an attache case, with 100 bullets and a gun that is untraceable. Kill the person who has wronged you in your life - take revenge, and kill anybody that gets in your way, and get away with it. Sure, the plot sounded a bit sketchy at first, but after reading a couple issues, I found myself wanting more. I can't find anything like this on TV.

And now, I've got a stackful of comic books in my room. I just hope it doesn't grow out of control... Though, I hear they've revived The Spirit series... Holy crap, Frank Miller is going to be directing The Spirit movie! *splooge*

4)Get more activity going on in these blogs: It's not for my sake; it's for your sake. Admit it, you found my stuff on Anthropology of Geeks interesting. Okay, maybe not, maybe I'm just telling myself that to sleep better at night. Still, with the billions of people logging onto the internet, I know a handful of them has come across either one of my blogs once or twice. If I were to update more often, and show more interesting stuff on these blogs, I'm pretty sure more people would tune in. Who knows? I might be able to get a cult following. Like Ze Frank.

5) Conducting a Flash mob: A whole bunch of people gathering to do one stupid thing, simultaneously, all for the purpose of amusing the public. You see, I already have an idea of what my flash mob will be like. Though, I'm not telling, for somebody may steal my idea! Only problem is, finding the people who have the balls to do it. And not to mention, the people who won't flake out on me. To find at least 50 crazy people who're willing to take part of a flash mob with me - well, that'll just be too awesome to bear.

[Random Fact: The first recorded flash mob was actually quite recent. In June 3, 2003, more than 100 people converged onto the ninth floor rug department of Macy's department store. They were gathering around one particular very expensive rug. Anyone approached by a sales assistant was advised to say that the gatherers lived together in a warehouse on the outskirts of New York, that they were shopping for a Love Rug, and that they made all their purchase decisions as a group.]

6)Take part in a Zombie Walk: I love zombies. Ever since I picked up Resident Evil for the GameCube, I've had this subconcious love for them that I haven't acknowledged until now. I saw the remake of George Romero's "Dawn of the Dead" and I liked it. Hell with it, I loved it. And then came the Evil Dead series, which introduced me to Bruce Campbell, oozing with machismo. I'd go gay for him. And then, the rom-com-zom Shaun of the Dead, my God, I love it. Thanks to Shaun of the Dead, it has introduced me to the genius that is Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and Jessica Stevenson. Not to mention, it had me pick up one of the greatest shows I've seen in ages, Spaced. And 28 Days Later - one of the best horror films I have ever enjoyed. The cinematopgraphy is beautiful, and all done on digital camera. And the plot, I found it rapturing. And to add to my zombie love, my family got me the Zombie Survival Guide, a great book. Were it not for the "$13.95/Humor" label on the back, I would've actually believed the book. Not to mention, Diamond Bar is mentioned in it, too!

I think it's this sick fantasy to take part in a zombie invasion. Survival, and such. It has always appealed me, survival stories. But survival against zombies? It'll give me a reason to lob off a couple heads. Not to mention, it's a good way of purging the Earth of many idiots...

However, a zombie walk sounds just as fun. Sure, I can't knock a couple of heads off, but come on, it's zombies! A Zombie Walk is pretty much a whole bunch of people gathering usually around some urban area, shopping mall, city streets, or any public place; acting in character as... well, zombies and limping towards a local cemetary. Or a party. It's a great way to creep out a bunch of people, and take part with other people! And I can imagine talking to others afterwards.

"I totally loved you out there! And your brother, not to mention, he does a convincing job crawling around on the ground, moaning and groaning."
"Yeah... an accident caused my brother to become a paraplegic and talk in moans and grunts. So, he doesn't have much of a choice but to crawl and moan."
"..."

7) To be part of a Late Night Subway Party: A celebration that takes part in a mass transit. There's no bus driver to stop us, and everybody is partying. People wearing costumes, champagne breaking open, snackin' on free eats, jamming to random music, random portable bars - imagine walkin' into the subway with all of this happening at 2 in the morning! Now, if only the Circle Line Party can bring that kind of stuff over here to the Americas!

8) To host a Christmas Lingerie Party: This is pretty simple. Invite a whole bunch of people to party. In festive, holiday undergarments. of course, it would have to be selected invitation - I don't want just any pig coming in a coping a feel. Or a person notorious for not looking good for wearing a thong. Constantly. Still, it'd give the ladies a chance to show off some of the cute things they've got hidden under their clothes - errr... hidden in their closet. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure the guys won't mind the company. It's just like a pool party - without the pool. Or the summer. Of course, it's going to be dress coded - and I know a couple of people who wouldn't mind playing bouncer for a night so they can keep thins cool. Imagine - it'd be a great way to spend the holidays, eh?

9)To live on my own: Or at least with a couple of roomates. I know once I get out of high school, I'm either going to be dorming or commuting from home to school. But once I become 25, I'd like to live on my own. Try to earn a living somehow, while going to school. Not to mention, I think it'd be pretty fun owning an apartment or a condo with a couple of friends. Come on, to live with your best friends 24-7? How awesome is that? Sure, we're bound to drive each other crazy. But we'll be growing together, and that's gotta count for something. It'll be like having a family at home, waitin' for me after class. We're all probably going to all go out, go drinking, do something crazy. Not to mention, we won't have to worry about being bored. We've got each other to keep company. And the only adults around will be us. All I have to worry about is that none of my roomates... well... cornhole me in my sleep. Or at least dry hump me when I'm in bed. Trust me, I've had this experience many times.

10) Become Adept at Cooking: I'm already working on this. My cookings alright, it's bearable. However, I'm pretty sure it'll do good for guests. Probably be cheaper than going out for food, and it's a good way to impress people that you are capable of living by yourself. And if number 9 works out, I've got some guinea pigs I can use for my cooking! And it's a good reason to get a girl over to my place...

"Where do you want to go for dinner?"
"How about my place? I make a pretty good poached and sautéed breast of chicken with a morel velouté, pomme purée and caramelizsed turnips."
"... somebody's gettin' some tonight."

Ah, if only it takes that much...

11)Become an amateur bartender: Sure, it's one thing to serve your friends a couple bottles of Samuel Adams, but a complete different thing if you can offer a Salty Dog, Green Dragon, Royal Arrival, Satan's Whiskers, Lime Rickey, or, if you've got the material and feeling really dangerous, a Mickey Slim. And if you want, slip a roofie in a glass to have some more fun with your guests.

12) Be able to write, produce, and direct a movie or two:

[WARNING: Long read, if you don't have the patience, skip to number 13]

Sure, it's one thing to make directing, screenwriting, acting, or producing a profession. But come on, finding an agent, looking for somebody who's willing to let you look at a script, and auditioning for it? It's a lot of work. And half the time you don't know if you're the right person for the part or not. Thence, I've concluded that if you want to be an actor, write and direct your own stuff. That's what Kevin Smith did with Clerks, and Sylvester Stallone did with Rocky. They've created a style that works for them, and looks where it's gotten them. Rocky is now a world renowned movie with many sequels (too many, actually) and Clerks is a great cult classic that has created many other franchises out from the View-Askewniverse. I'd go gay for them... Well, maybe Smithy but not Stallone. He seems like the type to play rough.

Still, I have several ideas planned. My first movie is going to be Henry and Hamdan Go to In-N-Out*, obviously - it'll be a good teaching experience for me. Only problem I'm going to have is funding, and finding the right camera. I'll probably have to pull a couple strings, do a couple favors, do a couple things I won't be proud of, but hell, I know it'll be worth it. I'm proud of the script. It's good. Damn good. I mean, it's not, you know... Martin Scorsese good. Not anything that'll garner me as much success as Clerks would for Kevin Smith. (If anything, its a homage to Kevin Smith movies. But knowing some bastards, it's probably a blatant rip off to them) But hell, I've gotten laughs out of it. I've gotten some pretty good support from friends and peers. And I see no reason why not to go through with it. Well, I can actually think of many, but ignorance is a bliss.

Now, I know comedy is my forte, so most likely I'm going to be following the path of a comedy director. So I'm probably going to be following such directors such as Mike Nichols, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones, Jay Roach (I have to keep a better eye on him) and Kevin Smith (most especially him). However, I'm probably going to do a Kubrick and expand my talent to as many genres as I can. I've already got a movie idea or two for an action movie, but what's really bothering me - what's really bothering me, is this one movie that I know, I absolutely know, that if I can do it right, it'll put me on the spot. Probably do for me what Garden State did for Zach Braff. (I'd go gay for that Jew.)

However, its probably going to take a couple of years to produce. I admit it, this one is going to be more... urban. Ghetto if you will. But not, you know, mainstream ghetto. I'm guilty of having hip-hop in my iTunes. But to defend myself, it's mostly underground stuff. Mind you, it's nothing like Jedi Mind Tricks - no, they're too hardcore for me. It's leans more towards Nujabes, Deltron3030, Gorillaz, People Under the Stairs - alternative, indie hip-hop artists that has uses jazz samples from artists such as Miles Davis or Yusef Lateef. This Untitled Project will probably have tracks from this kind of genre. I imagine it to be more, artistic, more avant garde if you will. Think Collateral, but with lowbrow art, alternative, indie hip-hop, stencil graffiti, and urban vinyls and without the action. Sure, it's going to be boring for the average joe, but I'm pretty sure I can churn some aesthetic beauty out of it. Most likely it's going to be an amalgam of urban culture from Hong Kong, Japan, England, and Canada (You'd be surprised what Canada has to offer). I'll most likely be looking towards the Kowloon Emperor or Banksy for influences... What can I say? I'm fascinated with alternative urban culture.

But I need a plot. I'm just hoping life'll throw me a bone and slap a plot into my face.

13) Take a road trip across America and find something worth taking home in all 50 states: Grab a bunch of friends. Pool in a couple thousand dollars of money. Live in a couple of crap shack motels, get lost several times, find a random place, go off-roading, get drunk. Of course, it's going to have to be impromptu. Or unplanned. Or else, it'd be just a "vacation." Sure, there are going to be many dangers to doing this (thence I'm going to befriend somebody who owns a couple of firearms... or weapons. Or knows different kinds of kung fu). Sure, the money's going to have to be hefty (probably going to have to sell our body several times). But hell, it's all in the fun. It's an adventure waiting to happen. I'm just waiting for the ripe time and age to do it. Now, if only there was a way to find a road that leads to Hawaii...

14) Backpack through Europe: There's something about living the life of a vagabond that I've always found appealing. The adventure, the ability to learn something new, the stories to share. But I can tell Europe is going to be an exciting experience for me. I want to travel through all 27 member states in the European Union and much like #13, take home something from every single one. I'm pretty sure I'm going to learn a lot from every culture. But I know that I'm going to be visiting Slovenia and staying at Ana's place for awhile. (Here's looking at you, Ana!) Now this is going to be a bit more... costly. So most likely, I'm going to have to find a rich uncle I didn't know about that and work up the food chain... Crap, most of mine is in Vietnam. Damn. Guess I'll just have to be lucky and hope I can find a $100,000 within the couch cushions...

Fourteen Goals.
May not seem like much, but mind you, these are 14 very big goals. Well. For the most part. I've got like, less than 10 years to accomplish these. A lot of them are going to take a lot of time. I just hope I can find enough of it to finish them all. Why 25? So I could go into my mid-life crises earlier, and buy myself something expensive. Then, 5 years later, wonder why the hell I bought it. That, and it'd be a great thing to impress the ladies with once I start lookin' to settle sometime afterwards. But life's pretty unpredictable. So, here's hoping. Now, I think I'll get started with #2 and see how far I can get in Huck Finn...

*E-mail me at pootiechang@gmail.com if you want a copy of the script, or AIM me @ Seven Asian Army. Or if you want to help me with one of these goals. Just don't make me sell my body. It's not the greatest on Earth, but I don't want to be cornholed by a stranger. Or anybody for that matter... At least not sober.

My Audition for a Date with Kevin Smith

[Edited: Deleted video. Got annoying. Just click the damn link below]

Alright, here's what happened: while I was in L.A to see Kevin Smith in his Clerks II: Back to the Well for my birthday. My friend Spencer Brown and I were in the Secret Stash, you know, the one right next to the UCLA campus, when a group of what I assumed to be college students asked me if I would like to audition for a date with Kevin Smith. Two words popped into my mind: Fuck. Yeah. So, this was the product of it. Now, I am to ask you, the reader, a tremendous favor for me.

1) Click on this link.
2) Watch the video
3) Register into IMEEM
4) Rate the video a 5.
5)Share with other friends. And ask them to go through steps 1-5.

Now, if you want something in return, I can offer you this:
1) A part in my Henry and Hamdan Go to In-N-Out movie
2) A partical copy of the script (I assure you, the copy I'm working on is excellent and many times better than what has been previously posted online)
3) For every person you get to vote my video a 5, the bigger the chunk you're going to get in the "partial" copy of Henry and Hamdan Go to In-N-Out. I will know by the votes.
4) My love <3>

Smurf Check!

I feel I should explain. You see, Diamond Ranch has this tradition every year for Homecoming. We hold a Blackout Rally, which is pretty much a... well, a rally. Except, the rally is done outside of school hours, at night when everything is completely dark, all natural sunlight is cut from outside the gym, and there is to illuminate it is a laser show, flashing blacklights, glow-in-the-dark assortments totted by the performance groups, and the shine of the band's instrument. I am typically with the Band. There are usually skits that somewhere incorporate the Homecoming theme, along with performance groups adding to the skit.

This year, our theme was Indiana Jones, and the Indian Club contributed, along with the Dance Team, Cheerleaders, and Pageantry. Band usually just plays before and after the Rally, just as some kind of background music. However, the band people enjoy it more than the audience it plays to (obviously). In the previous posts, you can see my Tromboners doing the Trombone Suicide at this rally which a friend of mine recorded - awesome, isn't it? Added it to our repertoire of dances a couple of weeks ago, which we "borrowed" off of Youtube. Been wowing people ever since. Should've seen the looks when we did this in front of the elementary school kids: "Oh my God, they're moving!" Anywho, at the end of this rally, I randomly screamed out "Smurf Check!"

Now, somethings happens when you scream "Smurf Check!" towards a large group of DRHS Bandg33ks. A long-haired Trumpet player named Damian will reply back, "Papa Smurf can I lick your ass?", in which a large group of males within the Band scream back "Yeah, lick my ass, bitch!" Thence forth, it breaks off into a cadence of clamping and stomping feat rthymically, and it goes on until it dies off. However, after the rally, I yelled "Smurf Check!" Typically, Damian yells back with his usual reply, and so do the men, but the Drumline provided the cadence. Elated, I gathered up a handful of Bandg33ks and the Drumline, and made this video.

Trombone Suicide

Yep. Those're my boys. And girl.
Diamond Ranch Trombone's '06-'07!

A Little Fall... Cleaning....?

Just to keep my blog going alive, I would like to inform my small audience that I have done some organizing. As of now, this blog shall be used for my own personal use. Events in my life, random musings incoherent, stuff that shouldn't interest random passerbys. So yes, that means that you will no longer be seeing those intellectual posted articles that I post up a couple months ago (wouldn't matter anyways, I haven't posted any since). However, I do plan on making more. Just when I have more time. But do not despair! For I have transfered them all to this new blog, the True Anthropology of Geeks! This website will feature all of my freestyling articles, intellectual ramblings, and the kind of material that should have poeple pondering. So if you want to feel smart, check it out. I've even moved all of the old articles in there if you ever want to read them again!

Thank you Lemon-Eyed for the image.

Also, I got rid of my Henry and Hamdan Go to In-N-Out sample script. I just felt that it took up too much space on my blog. But if you want to look at it, or at least what I'm willing to offer to let you look at, contact me. I check my e-mail occasionally, so don't be afraid to send me a message!

Signing off with way too much homework to deal with,
Henry "Pootie Chang" Pham

P.S. pootiechang@gmail.com

... What?

jossungood: So how'd you weekend faire thus far, mon amie?
mccxricekrispy: It sucketh be
mccxricekrispy: Too much studying on the weekends for me
mccxricekrispy: bout you my good man?
jossungood: What a shameth it be to hear such troubling news so as to befalleth upn thee, and I in somber retriubutino offer thee my most sincerest of apologies.
jossungood: Mine, it be one of a few pleasures paired with the insatiable inevitability of mundane bordom.
mccxricekrispy: Ah, poor soul, I believe the Lord has shown some disdain in us
jossungood: Ah, this be true fellow wanderer of misfortune.
mccxricekrispy: indeed
jossungood: Let us not count thine troubles too hastily, fellow! Let us instead look resolutely toward an inner goal: doth thou wish to accompany me to a film later on in the course of my days.
mccxricekrispy: You speak of later days or of the day ahead of us?
jossungood: This one we are interlocked within.
mccxricekrispy: Ah, unfortunately, I must decline - my day is filled with too many burdensom scholarly task that I can't ignore or else it might be the demise of me
mccxricekrispy: I expect that if I were to attend, we would be viewing Science of Sleep, nay?
jossungood: Most definitely, your astute prediction doth not fail thee.
mccxricekrispy: Damnation upon my studies!

New Level of Geek

I have achieved a new level in Geekhood. I saw this shirt over at Diesel Sweeties, and I actually LOLed. I felt great pity for myself afterwards... But that still won't stop me from buying this shirt.

Henry and Hamdan Go to In-N-Out
Update

Yes indeedy, ladies and gents, the vulgar and amature works of Henry "Pootie Chang" which first started off a fun idea, has involved into something more. This is going to be turned into my own film, and yes, it will be a full-length film. So far, I've just finished the script, and it looks to be around 70 pages - which is pretty decent. However, after I finish with it, I can tell that I'm probably going to up it around 100 pages. So far, the future for this project looks promising. I already have a bunch of people up for casting (Only problem now is having them actually act) and I have a great executive producer who's already almost as passionate about this project as me (I'm looking at you, Jonathan Hoey). The script is looking good, and the future for this movie is looking better.

Oh, and sorry I haven't been updating lately. Classes have been taking up most of my life, so I probably won't be posting as much. However, this will by my primary blog from now on.

My Two Loves Combined!

It's a combination of my two loves: Marching Band and Games.


And "Raiders of the Lost Arcade!"

"Increase speed, drop down, and reverse di-rection!"

That Poor Bastard...

Poor bastard... And he could've gotten into Guiness, too.

Something to Tide You Over

Well, as of the current moment, I'm working on the next article. Unfortunately, school is about to begin for me in less than two weeks, so if I don't post that often, I'm sorry. However, I'm sure I'll be able to post a couple articles every now and then. If not, I'll instead be posting some websites to check out and to satisfy our Geeky needs, a couple know-hows, and some extra content as well - something like the previous post, except not as sloppy. Something like this:

Time Magazine has listed video blogger Ze Frank as one of the 50 Best Websites on Earth. He combines current events with witty, sarcastic, satire. His randomness and immaturity seems to part of his charm. If you haven't already clicked the links already offered, do it already. It'll only take a minute or two out of your day.

Also, for Gaming nerds and Kingdom Hearts fans, you might want to check out Kingdom Hearts: Inverted Hearts. It's a fan-made game that pretty much offers its non-canon* story to Kingdom Hearts. It's graphic are much like the Game Boy Advances, so you don't have to worry about having a great graphics card and most of the requirements are nothing big, too. What I'm really excited about is the Chrono Trigger cross over. I just hope that the creators finish it in time so no... mishaps will cause them to have to shut it down.

For you Indie folks, I've come across a Questionable Content, webcomic that is quite witty in its own way. Marten Reed, a typically attractive indie boy who's too passive for his own good, is at a bar trying to pick up chicks - however, he ends up meeting Faye, a sarcastic, dysfunctional indie girl, and who insteads becomes very good friends with him. Since the two have met, they've both been through experiences that can be quite... questionable. It's a lot of fun to read (even though it does have its melodramatic moments) and has a lot of pop culture and counterculture references in there that'll keep many entertained for hours. Even with the incomprehensible Indie-band talks, I still find the Anthropod Pint-size to be so much fun.

Brainstorming and trying to find the gist of writing,
Henry "Pootie Chang" Pham

*Non-canon: A plot/storyline that is not part of the main story line widely known. It is more of a side story, or what-if tale. The Comic Book Industry has a lot of Non-Canon stories, such as X-men: Fairy Tales.

I'm going to be out in Lake Tahoe with the family, so I won't be able to post the second park of the New Generation of Geek for awhile. I'll probably be able to get on the internet several times, though I doubt that I'll have enough time to finish the article. I'll have my cellphone if you need me. Later all.

The Spontaneous Things in Life

I enjoy them way too much. Right after my SAT Academy today (Err, or shold I say yesterday?), damn good friend of mine, Ryan English, picks me up from my place. Apparently we had a movie thing going on with the some other people at the Chino Spectrum, but a) We both weren't informed of it and b) We were too busy to arrive in time (SAT Academy for me, Work for him). We both decided to go to Chino to mess around in Toys 'R' Us while we waited for them to finish with their movie. However, while trying to park behind the building for some random reason, we instead decided to drive to Los Angeles for dinner. We went to LA, and looked for half an hour for a free parking spot (English is the man to take with you if you want to find one) in Little Tokyo.

There, we found this bitchin' Chinese restaurant in Little Tokyo (I know, the place to find Chinese food - even though Chinatown is just several blocks away). This place is called Chop Suey that, according to English, has been around since the 1920s (His grandfather went there as a child - as a bloody child!). I was amazed - we were eating in a part of Los Angeles/California history. It had these wooden stalls which people would sit in and eat, something like private booths. We went in, and I find this really attractive Asian girl serving water. I kept on guzzling my water down to keep her coming. :D Unfortunately, I'm not quite up to game when it comes to flirting...

Still, the Chow Mein was pretty damn good! And it was pretty cheap for Asian Cuisine food - I mean, for a Chinese Restaurant, it was expensive ($1 per bowl of rice! In Chinese Restaurants, rice comes for free! And you can get them by the pounds!). But from what I've tasted and seen, it was all cuisine food. You know, the fancy food you'd expect out of a restaurant in Beverly Hills or something. The rice wasn't just any rice - it was Jasmine Rice. And the Egg Rolls - it wasn't like anything I've ever seen or tasted! The Sweet and Sour sauce and a bit of wasabi in it, which just added to its taste. But enough of a critics review of the restaurant... After that, and after much browsing, we drove back home (Well, we stopped by Eric and Scott's Coressel place). So, that's pretty much how I spent my Friday night. Going to Los Angeles for Chinese Food in Little Tokyo. Spontaneous. Random. Awesome.

I love the spontaneous things about my life. Who knows - Dinner, Chinese Food in LA; Breakfast, Crappy food in Vegas.

Clerks II
"You ever see a chick give a mule a blowjob? "

Yes! I'm finally seeing Clerks II! I'm more excited than Michael Jackson gets when he sees a Chuck E. Cheese!

[Edit] Well, I've finally got to see Clerks II. I can see why Joel Siegel walked out of it. And that can only make a Kevin Smith movie so much more better if a critic were to walk out of it within 40 minutes of it. What's there to say without ruining the movie? It's better than the first. It's dirty, disgusting, wrong and I love it. It's filled with enough the stuffGeeks would love. It has Lord of the Rings, Transformers, Star Wars and blasphemy. Would I suggest watching this movie? Sure. Only if you're not easily offended. And don't mind seeing a donkey get sodomised.


And tip: To sneak into an R Rated movie for those of us incapable, go with a group of friends willing to buy a ticket for you earlier before the movie (several hours before the movie - or at least an hour). Have them give you the ticket to get in, then have your friend buy another ticket. If anybody asks, your friend "lost" it.

Huh... Well, never thought I'd do this. You know, start a blog. I had a Xanga, but I thought it was too... just too aZn. Not to mention, all it had on it were people either talking about their day or complaining about the most stupidest, and trivial things. Either that, or start an internet flame wars, and those are annoying enough as it is. That, and Xanga wouldn't stop stuff my inbox with "new subscriptions" - I still don't know how to turn it off, and I refuse to - because for one, I haven't touched my xanga since early freshmen year, and I hardly update anyways. However, I'm hoping at least with this blog, I can actually commit to this. I don't know why, but this blog hosts seems to appeal more to me - much more of a minimilist approach, I guess. That, and not that many people use this (w00t to useless-and-frivolous-trying-acts-of-individualism-that-doesn't-even-matter). That, and I know there'll be at least somebody out there willing to read this... So, why not give hmm? Alright, well here goes my first entry which'll hopefully lead to many more (dubious 'bout it, but eh, no hurt in hopin').