Conversations I'd Like to Hear More Often

“…Dude, why’s your cock on my desk?”
“I think a better question would be ‘Why is it green?’”

“Skimming through Vogue whilst sipping a Cosmopolitan and listening to Yanni – how much more manlier can you get.”

“Happy Birthday! I was about to get you one of those, you know, ‘dancers’ in a cake, but I ate the cake… and the ‘dancer’ if you get my drift, eh, eh?”

“Mmm… last night I ate through ten pounds of meat. Afterwards, I ate out ten different women. All of different ethnicities, too.”
“Ah yes, the All American Buffet. Where the melting pot ends up in your mouth.”
“… that’s disgusting.”

“I will castrate you with a butter knife. No lie. A rusty one, even.”

“I’m telling you, that’s what Brown Eye Girl is about!”
“Oh, shut up!”
“No, no, here me out! It’s about this guy – who’s met this nymphomaniac who only likes to do it in the derriere–“
“Nah man, it’s about a dude – or chick - that’s totally sprung for some chick with brown eyes.”
“Yeah, well, I won’t take that for granted; everybody has a different interpretation of art and literature, I mean one guy can look at Alice in Wonderland and say that it is a tale of a girl struggling from childhood to adulthood, whereas some other dude can say that it’s Charles Dodgson’s wild acid dream done in a novel-”
“Carroll.”
“What?”
“It was Lewis Carroll who wrote the book. Not ‘Dodgson.’”
“…Lewis Carroll is a pseudonym; Dodgson started using it after ‘Solitude.’”
“Digression!”
“Alright, alright, going back to this… questionable content. This is my interpretation of ‘Brown Eye Girl’. ‘Brown Eye Girl’ is about this certain female… who likes… the anal sex. And, like my very well esteemed friend over here said, yes he is sprung for this chick. So much that he’s fuckin’ her all over the place.”
“Oh, God…”
“So, he’s pretty much doin’ her in the butt; ‘along the water fall,’ ‘in the green grass,’ ‘in the misty morning fog,’ ‘behind the stadium.’ It is behind these places that they are ‘laughing,’ with ‘their hearts a thumpin’, not to mention other things thumping… And who can forget the ‘slipping and sliding,’ thanks to all that lube needed to –“
“Alright, that’s enough.”
“I’m just giving my interpretation of Brown Eye Girl.”
“Great. Every time I hear that song, I’m going to thinking about anal sex.”