Things I to Do Before I Become
Twenty Five

I never believed in New Years resolution. Sure, it lasts for a couple weeks, but come Valentines Day, we stuff that lists underneath the cluttered mess of last year. A bunch of empty promises - no, a bunch of empty expectations - that you hope to accomplish. So, I begin this year with not a "New Year's Resolution" but rather a set of accomplished goals. Will I complete all of these? I hope so. I know there will be things over the years that'll change my situation. Change in tastes, change in availibilty, and etc. But hell, I know I'm going to find these goals too cool to pass up. And I'm going to need a lot of people, and a lot of friends to pull it off. You'll see why. Enough tête-à-tête - here's the list.


1) Become a movie buff: I'm working on it right now. Not a lot of movies I've seen so far, but I'm working on it. Black and white, noir, science fiction, Gong Fu, Clint Eastwood, Fritz Lang, Stanley Kubrick, Vincent Price, Ed Wood, Bruce Campbell, weird west, class B movies, class C movies, class Z movies, Fellini, cult movies, animes, and the list goes on! Now if only I had more time to watch 'em...

2) Read more books: I've been deprived of quality works; I need to read more. I've got so many books just sitting around in my room, waiting for me to pick them up. But dammit, I haven't had as much time as I'd like to read them! This is a bad habit. So I basicly refuse to buy any books until I finish these. I want to be a bookworm. It'll add to my geekyness. And you guys know I love being a Geek.

3) Read more comic books: I don't care what people say; comic books are just as entertaining as books. Just with more eye-candy. They're like movie stills, or like movie storyboards. It's become a hobby of mine recently, and I hope to pick it up later on. These books are of big cultural impact, I mean after all just look at Batman, Superman, Spiderman, and the X-men. Now, I want to delve deeper into that. Read comic books that people don't know about, stuff that people are missing out but only an esoteric handful can actually fully enjoy. Such as Alan Moore comic books; the man behind Hellblazer, Watchman, and the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. It was his V for Vendetta that really got me into comic books; actually, the movie trailer did. But I only had to see it once to be totally obsessed with it. I staked out for the comic book, and read it, from front to back. But a comic book that I've really gotten into is 100 Bullets, a totally noir comic book sent in today's gangster life. A person is offered an attache case, with 100 bullets and a gun that is untraceable. Kill the person who has wronged you in your life - take revenge, and kill anybody that gets in your way, and get away with it. Sure, the plot sounded a bit sketchy at first, but after reading a couple issues, I found myself wanting more. I can't find anything like this on TV.

And now, I've got a stackful of comic books in my room. I just hope it doesn't grow out of control... Though, I hear they've revived The Spirit series... Holy crap, Frank Miller is going to be directing The Spirit movie! *splooge*

4)Get more activity going on in these blogs: It's not for my sake; it's for your sake. Admit it, you found my stuff on Anthropology of Geeks interesting. Okay, maybe not, maybe I'm just telling myself that to sleep better at night. Still, with the billions of people logging onto the internet, I know a handful of them has come across either one of my blogs once or twice. If I were to update more often, and show more interesting stuff on these blogs, I'm pretty sure more people would tune in. Who knows? I might be able to get a cult following. Like Ze Frank.

5) Conducting a Flash mob: A whole bunch of people gathering to do one stupid thing, simultaneously, all for the purpose of amusing the public. You see, I already have an idea of what my flash mob will be like. Though, I'm not telling, for somebody may steal my idea! Only problem is, finding the people who have the balls to do it. And not to mention, the people who won't flake out on me. To find at least 50 crazy people who're willing to take part of a flash mob with me - well, that'll just be too awesome to bear.

[Random Fact: The first recorded flash mob was actually quite recent. In June 3, 2003, more than 100 people converged onto the ninth floor rug department of Macy's department store. They were gathering around one particular very expensive rug. Anyone approached by a sales assistant was advised to say that the gatherers lived together in a warehouse on the outskirts of New York, that they were shopping for a Love Rug, and that they made all their purchase decisions as a group.]

6)Take part in a Zombie Walk: I love zombies. Ever since I picked up Resident Evil for the GameCube, I've had this subconcious love for them that I haven't acknowledged until now. I saw the remake of George Romero's "Dawn of the Dead" and I liked it. Hell with it, I loved it. And then came the Evil Dead series, which introduced me to Bruce Campbell, oozing with machismo. I'd go gay for him. And then, the rom-com-zom Shaun of the Dead, my God, I love it. Thanks to Shaun of the Dead, it has introduced me to the genius that is Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and Jessica Stevenson. Not to mention, it had me pick up one of the greatest shows I've seen in ages, Spaced. And 28 Days Later - one of the best horror films I have ever enjoyed. The cinematopgraphy is beautiful, and all done on digital camera. And the plot, I found it rapturing. And to add to my zombie love, my family got me the Zombie Survival Guide, a great book. Were it not for the "$13.95/Humor" label on the back, I would've actually believed the book. Not to mention, Diamond Bar is mentioned in it, too!

I think it's this sick fantasy to take part in a zombie invasion. Survival, and such. It has always appealed me, survival stories. But survival against zombies? It'll give me a reason to lob off a couple heads. Not to mention, it's a good way of purging the Earth of many idiots...

However, a zombie walk sounds just as fun. Sure, I can't knock a couple of heads off, but come on, it's zombies! A Zombie Walk is pretty much a whole bunch of people gathering usually around some urban area, shopping mall, city streets, or any public place; acting in character as... well, zombies and limping towards a local cemetary. Or a party. It's a great way to creep out a bunch of people, and take part with other people! And I can imagine talking to others afterwards.

"I totally loved you out there! And your brother, not to mention, he does a convincing job crawling around on the ground, moaning and groaning."
"Yeah... an accident caused my brother to become a paraplegic and talk in moans and grunts. So, he doesn't have much of a choice but to crawl and moan."
"..."

7) To be part of a Late Night Subway Party: A celebration that takes part in a mass transit. There's no bus driver to stop us, and everybody is partying. People wearing costumes, champagne breaking open, snackin' on free eats, jamming to random music, random portable bars - imagine walkin' into the subway with all of this happening at 2 in the morning! Now, if only the Circle Line Party can bring that kind of stuff over here to the Americas!

8) To host a Christmas Lingerie Party: This is pretty simple. Invite a whole bunch of people to party. In festive, holiday undergarments. of course, it would have to be selected invitation - I don't want just any pig coming in a coping a feel. Or a person notorious for not looking good for wearing a thong. Constantly. Still, it'd give the ladies a chance to show off some of the cute things they've got hidden under their clothes - errr... hidden in their closet. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure the guys won't mind the company. It's just like a pool party - without the pool. Or the summer. Of course, it's going to be dress coded - and I know a couple of people who wouldn't mind playing bouncer for a night so they can keep thins cool. Imagine - it'd be a great way to spend the holidays, eh?

9)To live on my own: Or at least with a couple of roomates. I know once I get out of high school, I'm either going to be dorming or commuting from home to school. But once I become 25, I'd like to live on my own. Try to earn a living somehow, while going to school. Not to mention, I think it'd be pretty fun owning an apartment or a condo with a couple of friends. Come on, to live with your best friends 24-7? How awesome is that? Sure, we're bound to drive each other crazy. But we'll be growing together, and that's gotta count for something. It'll be like having a family at home, waitin' for me after class. We're all probably going to all go out, go drinking, do something crazy. Not to mention, we won't have to worry about being bored. We've got each other to keep company. And the only adults around will be us. All I have to worry about is that none of my roomates... well... cornhole me in my sleep. Or at least dry hump me when I'm in bed. Trust me, I've had this experience many times.

10) Become Adept at Cooking: I'm already working on this. My cookings alright, it's bearable. However, I'm pretty sure it'll do good for guests. Probably be cheaper than going out for food, and it's a good way to impress people that you are capable of living by yourself. And if number 9 works out, I've got some guinea pigs I can use for my cooking! And it's a good reason to get a girl over to my place...

"Where do you want to go for dinner?"
"How about my place? I make a pretty good poached and sautéed breast of chicken with a morel velouté, pomme purée and caramelizsed turnips."
"... somebody's gettin' some tonight."

Ah, if only it takes that much...

11)Become an amateur bartender: Sure, it's one thing to serve your friends a couple bottles of Samuel Adams, but a complete different thing if you can offer a Salty Dog, Green Dragon, Royal Arrival, Satan's Whiskers, Lime Rickey, or, if you've got the material and feeling really dangerous, a Mickey Slim. And if you want, slip a roofie in a glass to have some more fun with your guests.

12) Be able to write, produce, and direct a movie or two:

[WARNING: Long read, if you don't have the patience, skip to number 13]

Sure, it's one thing to make directing, screenwriting, acting, or producing a profession. But come on, finding an agent, looking for somebody who's willing to let you look at a script, and auditioning for it? It's a lot of work. And half the time you don't know if you're the right person for the part or not. Thence, I've concluded that if you want to be an actor, write and direct your own stuff. That's what Kevin Smith did with Clerks, and Sylvester Stallone did with Rocky. They've created a style that works for them, and looks where it's gotten them. Rocky is now a world renowned movie with many sequels (too many, actually) and Clerks is a great cult classic that has created many other franchises out from the View-Askewniverse. I'd go gay for them... Well, maybe Smithy but not Stallone. He seems like the type to play rough.

Still, I have several ideas planned. My first movie is going to be Henry and Hamdan Go to In-N-Out*, obviously - it'll be a good teaching experience for me. Only problem I'm going to have is funding, and finding the right camera. I'll probably have to pull a couple strings, do a couple favors, do a couple things I won't be proud of, but hell, I know it'll be worth it. I'm proud of the script. It's good. Damn good. I mean, it's not, you know... Martin Scorsese good. Not anything that'll garner me as much success as Clerks would for Kevin Smith. (If anything, its a homage to Kevin Smith movies. But knowing some bastards, it's probably a blatant rip off to them) But hell, I've gotten laughs out of it. I've gotten some pretty good support from friends and peers. And I see no reason why not to go through with it. Well, I can actually think of many, but ignorance is a bliss.

Now, I know comedy is my forte, so most likely I'm going to be following the path of a comedy director. So I'm probably going to be following such directors such as Mike Nichols, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones, Jay Roach (I have to keep a better eye on him) and Kevin Smith (most especially him). However, I'm probably going to do a Kubrick and expand my talent to as many genres as I can. I've already got a movie idea or two for an action movie, but what's really bothering me - what's really bothering me, is this one movie that I know, I absolutely know, that if I can do it right, it'll put me on the spot. Probably do for me what Garden State did for Zach Braff. (I'd go gay for that Jew.)

However, its probably going to take a couple of years to produce. I admit it, this one is going to be more... urban. Ghetto if you will. But not, you know, mainstream ghetto. I'm guilty of having hip-hop in my iTunes. But to defend myself, it's mostly underground stuff. Mind you, it's nothing like Jedi Mind Tricks - no, they're too hardcore for me. It's leans more towards Nujabes, Deltron3030, Gorillaz, People Under the Stairs - alternative, indie hip-hop artists that has uses jazz samples from artists such as Miles Davis or Yusef Lateef. This Untitled Project will probably have tracks from this kind of genre. I imagine it to be more, artistic, more avant garde if you will. Think Collateral, but with lowbrow art, alternative, indie hip-hop, stencil graffiti, and urban vinyls and without the action. Sure, it's going to be boring for the average joe, but I'm pretty sure I can churn some aesthetic beauty out of it. Most likely it's going to be an amalgam of urban culture from Hong Kong, Japan, England, and Canada (You'd be surprised what Canada has to offer). I'll most likely be looking towards the Kowloon Emperor or Banksy for influences... What can I say? I'm fascinated with alternative urban culture.

But I need a plot. I'm just hoping life'll throw me a bone and slap a plot into my face.

13) Take a road trip across America and find something worth taking home in all 50 states: Grab a bunch of friends. Pool in a couple thousand dollars of money. Live in a couple of crap shack motels, get lost several times, find a random place, go off-roading, get drunk. Of course, it's going to have to be impromptu. Or unplanned. Or else, it'd be just a "vacation." Sure, there are going to be many dangers to doing this (thence I'm going to befriend somebody who owns a couple of firearms... or weapons. Or knows different kinds of kung fu). Sure, the money's going to have to be hefty (probably going to have to sell our body several times). But hell, it's all in the fun. It's an adventure waiting to happen. I'm just waiting for the ripe time and age to do it. Now, if only there was a way to find a road that leads to Hawaii...

14) Backpack through Europe: There's something about living the life of a vagabond that I've always found appealing. The adventure, the ability to learn something new, the stories to share. But I can tell Europe is going to be an exciting experience for me. I want to travel through all 27 member states in the European Union and much like #13, take home something from every single one. I'm pretty sure I'm going to learn a lot from every culture. But I know that I'm going to be visiting Slovenia and staying at Ana's place for awhile. (Here's looking at you, Ana!) Now this is going to be a bit more... costly. So most likely, I'm going to have to find a rich uncle I didn't know about that and work up the food chain... Crap, most of mine is in Vietnam. Damn. Guess I'll just have to be lucky and hope I can find a $100,000 within the couch cushions...

Fourteen Goals.
May not seem like much, but mind you, these are 14 very big goals. Well. For the most part. I've got like, less than 10 years to accomplish these. A lot of them are going to take a lot of time. I just hope I can find enough of it to finish them all. Why 25? So I could go into my mid-life crises earlier, and buy myself something expensive. Then, 5 years later, wonder why the hell I bought it. That, and it'd be a great thing to impress the ladies with once I start lookin' to settle sometime afterwards. But life's pretty unpredictable. So, here's hoping. Now, I think I'll get started with #2 and see how far I can get in Huck Finn...

*E-mail me at pootiechang@gmail.com if you want a copy of the script, or AIM me @ Seven Asian Army. Or if you want to help me with one of these goals. Just don't make me sell my body. It's not the greatest on Earth, but I don't want to be cornholed by a stranger. Or anybody for that matter... At least not sober.