Monday, November 24, 2008

Back to Therapy...

The title refers to the fact that I find blogging therapeutic - despite the fact that I also find blogging about my life narcissistic (and I despise narcissism. Speaking of which, thank God for spellcheck, because I cannot spell narcissism right for the life of me).

I've been feeling depressed at night for a couple weeks. For obvious reasons.

God, I don't want to do this. This is exposing too much of my life to the internet.

But who's gonna read it, right?

Maybe somebody within my social network... or my boss...

Oh, that'd be terrible.

Maybe I should stop typing like this. Stream of consciousness is annoying. It's like... God, I can't think of a witty analogy that's literary or of any merit. All I know it's as annoying as...

Dammit, failed again. What was I talking about before my digression?

Oh yeah, depression.

It sucks ass. Almost as much as studying Descartes. Or reading Jane Austen. *rimshot* (but not to be confused with rim job).

I've decided I'd do away with the damn thing sometime in Lorbeer Middle School. Middle School was an odd phase - I think for everybody. Hormones. The opposite sex. Boobs. No longer does the cootie shot exist, but instead all we want to do is touch each other. Or ourselves.

Anywho, I decided depression is not a part of my personality. Over five years later, I've met with my old friend again. And now I have an urge to wear all black, listen to Linkin Park, and quite possibly smoke nothing but black cigarettes and watch Donnie Darko over and over and over again.

Least I have been for the past several weeks. But after an alluring conversation with my friend, Aarika (as well as a bountiful dinner with some people in my dorm that I really enjoyed :]) I've decided to do away with Depression and be who I want to be.

Problem is, who do I want to be?

I've been having a problem with college, I'll admit it. It's nothing I ever hoped it to be.

When I initially thought of college, I guess I expected something... a bit more...

Okay, I don't know what I expected. All I know is that I wanted out of the drama and idiocracy of High School and into the intellectual fire of college.

And quite honestly, I haven't found much of a spark. Don't get me wrong - the classes are all stimulating for my cranium - it's just that socially... Well, I've turned out to become quite a social retard out here. I don't know what I'm doing any more. I feel like I've lost any value that I got in high school. I mean shit, I was top shit in high school - people fuckin' loved me!

But as soon as I got here and worked my charisma and my charm, it doesn't really get past anybody. Probably because I'm catering to a different crowd now.

But why does it feel like the people I want to get away from in high school have followed me here? I know several of you know what I mean... I don't want to go into detail in fear that those same people are reading this blog (I'm a pussy like that) but I -

I'm ignoring my homework. And I have class in less than nine hours. I must take my leave. Therapy session is over. Got to get to work!

Autobots, rollout!

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